Putting the "FUN" in dysFUNctional

So it's Christmas time and if you're as quirky as me or way more normal, you may have as dysfunctinal a family as I do. Mainly it's my dad and peripheral relatives that make my world as far, far away as Tatooine. My dad has a temper. A bad, bad temper. He's had it as long as I can remember. This has resulted in all of my siblings tip toeing around him at all times. Now that we're adults and all living on our own, we've buffered ourselves from his anger by distance. Yeah, we all live either in another country or across the country. Me, I didn't get away far enough. I had to go where the work was so I'm a mere 40 minute drive.

He's never going to change. He'll always deal with things with anger first. He's always going to take it out on whoever he's thinking of at the moment. Yes, that's right. You don't even have to be there to inflict his wrath. And he'll make up things in his head where you are to blame.

Last Christmas I happened to have the new Sony camera sitting out that I got by saving a year's worth of points at Shoppers Drug Mart. I then waited for that camera to go on sale so that it was practically free. In my father's head that camera was a frivolous purchase when I could have paid him back on a "loan". He had given me money after my cancer surgery and it wasn't until later that my mother told me that it wasn't a gift and he expected me to pay him back. I've been struggling like so many of us and was quite surprised that he wanted me to pay him back so soon when the economy is so bad. Well, there's no logical reasoning with this man. This is where the "fun" begins. He has this dialogue in his head and then begins being cold to me. He doesn't respond when I address him. He stares at me with this scowl and walks away. Finally my mother tells me what the deal is and ... insists that I apologize to him! This is infuriating! I need to apologize to him?? When he hasn't even talked to me about it??

We were staying in my sister's house and it was tense for three days. Ok, I agree that I played into it too but I was too infuriated by his actions. So yeah, like father like daughter....except I knew that eventually it would be ME who would have to be the one to approach him. He would never be the first one to make a move. So it took me about three days to calm down and figure out what to say to him and how I would say it.

Eventually I had to talk to my therapist over the phone and he helped me through it. I felt I was ready now. It came time for me to have the "talk" with my father. My mother and everyone else in the house are conveniently suddenly busy in other parts of the house. It started out as I knew it would. Him listening with a scowl on his face. Believing that it's all my fault, this situation that he's created in his head. I was the one who needed to apologize for my horrible actions. I couldn't do it without bursting into tears eventually. He softened. I played the trump card.
"I love you, Dad."
Looks away all embarrassed. "Yes. Ok."
He gets up and walks away.
The fun is absolved.